Friday, 10 December 2010

Dear Emma

In search of acceptance ...

Things have been a little strange between us recently. You've been acting so differently and making choices that are hard for me to understand. I know our relationship has always been a little one-sided but I want you to know that I consider you a good friend and your friendship is important to me. And so I have to say these things even though it's a little uncomfortable, okay? Because I think a good friend would. And this little blip we're having, it won't change our friendship, not in the long run. I am nothing if not loyal.

It's kind of normal, I realise, to not see the appeal of the guys your friends choose to date or marry - and it's usually even a good thing because the opposite problem is just so very messy. And I know this is your life and your decision and one shouldn't question who ones friends choose to marry. And I don't want to tell you I don't like the man you've chosen (though I really don't) but you made this decision so very fast and I need to know that you've thought about this seriously. It just seems so very out of character for you, Em.

What I really want to ask you is this - are you sure that you haven't just settled for Carl because you think he's safe and he won't hurt you like Will did? Because, here's the thing, relationships are never safe, Em, we always take a risk when we love. And marriage isn't a giant security blanket. Unless you like your blankie to be capable of spontaneous combustion. Okay so enough with the blankie analogy but my point is when you're taking a huge risk anyway you might as well go for what you really want. So are you sure Carl is what you really want Emma? And you don't just think he's a safe bet? Because it would be a real shame to miss out on living the life you want just because it's a bit scary.

In fact you said it best when you said 'the only life worth living is one that you're really passionate about' and it's similarly true that the only love worth having is a love that you are truly passionate about. So is Carl the man you are really passionate about? And that whole TTTM thing with Will meant nothing? Are you sure?

If you can ask yourself those questions and truly answer that you would still choose Carl then I can fully support your choice. I can even celebrate it. I just want you to be happy okay?

Hugs and kisses,
Tea xxx

p.s. this is really awkward, it's more difficult even than telling you I don't approve of the guy you've married ... but ... well ... okay, here goes *deep breath* ... I'm not sure I like your hair right now. Could you please ask your hair if it's happy too?

p.p.s. If it turns out that you've made a mistake marrying Carl, I know things will seem so very far from perfect. I mean it's not exactly the fairytale - girl meets boy, boy is married with a fake baby on the way, boy gets together with girl while going through a divorce only to cheat on her and drive her into the arms of the nearest dentist, girl marries dentist, girl leaves dentist ... and by this stage who knows what's going on in the boy's head ... but what I want to say is ...we all have to get a new idea of perfect now and then. Where perfect isn't 'perfect' as we knew it ... but kinda somehow is really great anyway and that can be our new perfect. What I'm saying is this - I don't see why everything shouldn't turn out well even if it's complicated getting there.

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